This is a guest article by Guido from www.simplebodylanguage.com
I have been a fan of Sexy Style for Joe for quite some time now and I learned that the more you improve your sense of style and target your specific type of women (mentioned in the article series of the 5 stages of image mastery), the more polarizingthe responses from girls will be.
Interestingly, this happens with Body Language too. As you become more confident, sexual, aggressive and dominant, the feedback will get more polarizing too:
Some girls might not like your overall image and although they may see you as a dominant man, they won’t appreciate your sexual advances. That’s fine.
Other girls will love you and your image, and will see you in a very attractive light. Not only will they appreciate your sexual advances, they will probably start to become impatient if you don’t invite them to your place fast enough.
What You’ll Learn
In this article, my objective is to give you an insight into the world of sexy body language and show you practical ways on how you can improve yours.
Now you might be thinking. What does this have to do with me? I just want to dress sexy!
And Yes, dressing sexy is also one of my of top priorities as I want to strive for a top notch image, hence my following of Sexy Style for Joe.
However, if you have done some reading on dating and seduction (for example, Girls Chase) you probably know that when it comes to overall attractiveness, our body language plays a very significant role.
After all, even the best outfit can be ruined by poor posture and sloppy body language.
The Perfect Sexy Man
Alright, let’s get to the topic we want to address.
First of all, since body language is a complex topic with a lot of nuances, I would like to start by explaining the qualities we want to communicate with it.
When you think about a sexy manwith sexy body language, what character traits come to your mind?
If you are thinking confident, sexual and/or dominant, you are correct. But there are more.
In no specific order:
When it comes to sexy body language, these five traits are in my opinion the most important ones to develop. But if you think there are others that should be in the list as well, please comment below and join the discussion.
Now let’s break down each topic on the list and see how we can achieve them using body language.
When most guys think about being dominant with body language, usually what comes to mind is the typical Alpha Male “bro”.
Often this results in men trying to see who slaps the other in the back harder or giving handshakes with the palm facing down. By the way, I was also guilty of this for a long time, so don’t feel bad if you do it.
A better way to convey dominance with your body language is by focusing on the following:
Strong eye contact
Taking up space (sometimes this mean invading people’s personal space)
Weird hand position if you ask me…
Having strong eye contact does not mean having creepy eye contact. It means being comfortable with extended periods of non-confrontational eye contact with other people.
Dominance is also shown when you invade people’s space or take up the maximum amount of space available to you. Here are a few poses that resemble this trait:
Confidence stems from past experiences: successes, accomplishments and also the failures that you’ve recovered from. When you have “been there, done that” you know what to expect and have a calm, relaxed vibe about you.
However, if you have to fake it ‘till you make it because your journey is at the beginning, you can learn confident body language to aid you along the way.
Confidence and Dominance are so closely related that tips for both are interchangeable.
Focus on these confidence areas:
Having great posture
Don’t lean in
When you have great posture it’s imperative that people will notice you and think of you as confident.
Nowadays, with smartphone technology developing as it is and game crazes like Pokemon Go around, we can see more and more people with mild and severe cases of Kyphosis and Lordosis.
Basically Kyphosis is the hunched look common in heavy users of smartphones, and Lordosis is the over-extension of your lumber region common in long-term couch potatoes or people who sit down for long periods of time.
Working out, dancing and yoga are tremendous ways to improve your posture. Make sure you are using proper form! If in doubt, find a trainer to help you out until you feel comfortable exercising alone.
If you fix your posture not only will people see you as more confident, but you will also feel more confident yourself. You will also breathe better, which leads to a more relaxed state. (Note from Darius: you’ll look taller too!)
As for leaning in, I see A LOT of guys do it in social situations! It looks bad and communicates weakness/submissiveness. So, for the sake of your image try catching yourself leaning in in social situations and lean back instead.
Comes off as needy, submissive and just looks awkward.
If you follow Sexy Style for Joe regularly, you know that Darius recommends implementing sex appeal in your outfits – a central part of his fashion “super course” The Wow! Factor. This is because if you want to differentiate yourself from the hordes of men out there, you have to be comfortable with your sexual side.
Being comfortable with your sexuality is important for body language as well, so:
Touch the girl
Bring attention to your sexual body parts
When I was younger, I use to be afraid of touching girls because I thought they would think I was weird or creepy.
However, after I started doing it, I realized I was missing out on a great resource available to me. What actually happens when you touch girls more is that it amplifies the emotion they are feeling, therefore making you more polarizing.
Girls who are attracted to you will likely enjoy it, and girls who aren’t will step away from you.
How do you utilize touching?
When you touch the girl, or person for that matter, never look at your hand at the same time, as this looks try-hard and needy. Avoid this pitfall and you should be safe. It will feel a lot more natural for both of you.
Bottom line, watch her reaction. Does her body come closer to you/turn towards you, or do you feel like she gets more distant? That should help you know if she is interested or not.
Another tip is bringing attention to your body. I learned this by flirting and interacting with women. When a woman likes you (or wants attention) she will often start touching or playing with herself, pun intended. Usually it’s going to be areas like the chest, hands, hair or mouth.
I copied their tactics and now when I want to grab a girl’s attention and make them think about doing naughty stuff (hopefully with me), I simply direct my hand(s) to regions like my mouth, my crotch or my hair. It’s subtle, but sexy.
Thumb on mouth; bring attention to the lips.
At its core, smoothness means having a slow, relaxed and controlled attitude.
This is important for sexy body language. Your movements represent your emotions, so when you see someone jumping around in a frenzy, you doubt their ability to make rational decisions. Not smooth.
Be aware of your body. Do you fidget when you’re nervous? Do you speak and move around quickly? It’s much more attractive to move with graceful, purposeful movements at a calm pace.
That doesn’t mean you have to act like an emotionless robot. I don’t really identify 100 percent with being controlled all the time, because I love to do random weird stuff like dance in the middle of the street. However, making slow and controlled movements is usually my baseline.
When shit hits the fan, do you fly off your rocker, or can you keep your composure and stay calm?
This I believe is the most important factor in smoothness and I noticed that a lot of it comes naturally with age and experience. Just like with confidence, when you’ve “been there, done that”, it’s a lot easier to stay level-headed when everyone else around you is losing it.
Having slow and controlled movements also helps you to stay non-reactive and unshakable when something unexpected happens. For example, a snarky comment from sassy girls (my favorite).
Just make sure you don’t end up feeling/looking tense. You should be relaxed while moving about. Remember: good posture and regular breathing.
5. Be Non-Judgemental
“Don’t be judgmental, have standards instead” – Someone Cool.
I used to be quite closed-minded and judged people and situations that weren’t normal to me. But as I started traveling and gathering new experiences, I noticed a shift in my mindset as I became more understanding and appreciative of new experiences.
That’s not to say that nothing ever frustrates me, but now judgement is being replaced with calm curiosity.
And it turns out that’s a highly attractive quality in a man!
Here are the body language tips to communicate that you are open-minded and non-judgmental:
Avoid “Closed Off” positions
Try the “I get you, girl” look
A typical example of a “closed off” position is having your arms crossed. Interestingly, these “closed off” positions affect absorption of new information and makes you more critical of it. It can also negatively affect your testosterone production as in nature, being “closed off” means that you’re feeling threatened and need to defend yourself.
But be wary, “closed off” positions also include having your legs crossed and as it’s less common among men than having your arms crossed, its easy to miss when you do it.
Relaxed and comfortable
Open Palm, Honest and Non-Judgmental.
This next tip is what I call the “I get you girl” look. A great look to sport when the topic turns sexual.
It has three main points to it:
Side Glance – Look at the girl from the corner of your eye with lowered eyelids (try “smiling” with your eyes when you do)
Broad Closed Lip Smile – Start with a smirk and evolve slowly to a broad closed lip smile, to show empathy
Head Nod – While she expresses her opinion, nod with your head rhythmically at a slow pace (Note from Darius: “slow” is the key word here, you don’t want to come off as a bubble head doll)
Example on the right. Left side looks like a scared deer in the headlights. Source: It’s all about the Squinch!
Be Subtle Or Get Busted!
When you start applying these concepts, start slow, keep them simple and be subtle! If you don’t calibrate according to the situation or to your own personality you’re doomed to go through a rough patch.
For example, when you’re starting to correct your posture, don’t go to the other end of the spectrum and keep it too rigid, because it won’t look natural and come off as stiff.
Don’t expect to master your body language right away. It took years to develop your current body language habits so it’s just natural that it will take a bit of time to “re-train” yourself. You will make mistakes down the road and that’s okay – it’s part of the learning process.
Make sure to keep calibrating based on the feedback you’re getting but don’t be afraid of leaving your comfort zone once in a while, or else you won’t grow and improve.
After you’ve identified what gestures you need to improve, start applying the new ones one by one. Give each one about three weeks to a month to be fully internalized before moving onto the next one. Do this and soon enough you will realize that now you’re not rocking a sexy image but your body language is attractive and captivating too.
Be mindful though, improving body language needs dedication and constant self-awareness.
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